Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
