Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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