I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
