his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize