I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sext me about skeletons
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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