grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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