Pappa wants mamma naked
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
