he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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