wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
