all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize