So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
