she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
