I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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