That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
