I want to have your abortion
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
