Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
