you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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