I got chris browned last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
