I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
