I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
