I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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