she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
