So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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