Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
