I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
