so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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