You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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