I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
