he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
