in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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