btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You can't motorboat a personality
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
