dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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