you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
