Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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