Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
