I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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