dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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