I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
