Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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