dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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