This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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