So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
