your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
