So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
