I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You ruined the universe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
