i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
