I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
