you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
