Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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