i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
