My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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