Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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