Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
