dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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