Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
