Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize