she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
