youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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