And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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