Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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