I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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