I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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