I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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