one might say we're banned from that church
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
