why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
