My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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