Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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