you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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