She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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