I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize