OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
