just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
