It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
