Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
