Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
